The end of chemo

Last week was tough. I was tired. My legs had gone wobbly. The soles of my feet, the tips of my fingers and my lips were numb. And my mouth felt like it had been rinsed with bleach. 

And of course it was cold and wet. (see my last blog)

And the fact that I am going to die sooner rather than later felt very real.

The thought of going through three more cycles of chemo felt like a mountain too high to climb.

I phoned and spoke to Alex, the Macmillan nurse, and she helped me think through the options. I decided to postpone this week's chemo to give myself some more recovery time. 

Then on Monday I had a phone call with the oncologist and talked it through with him. He explained that the numbness in my hands and feet is likely to be due to the oxaliplatin. I haven't actually been given any of this since mid March, but it can cause peripheral nerve damage and then the stress of the other chemo drugs (the 'insult to the body' as he put it) can make it worse.

(The numbness in my face is a bit of a mystery to them, and I've had a scan and been referred to a neurologist for that, so that's another story.)

As we talked it became clear to me that the time has come to call a halt to chemo. As the oncologist pointed out, we know that the first six treatments have helped to shrink the tumour, plus I've had three more. Everyone says Folfirinox is a tough treatment regime. It's time to stop putting my body through all that and start getting my general health and fitness back.

So - that's the decision. No more chemo for now.

On Tuesday, when I would have had my normal appointment for blood tests and 'line care', instead I had the PICC line taken out. After five and a bit months, it's a delight to get rid of a dressing on my arm.

The plan is to have another scan in early July, and then discuss options. There could be clinical trials, or a different chemo treatment down the line. Or no treatment at all if that's what I want. 

For now I'm planning to get my strength back and hoping to lose a bit of weight by taking some more exercise.

And over the next few months I'm going to try and see as many friends as I can and have some good times with my family.

Today was the warmest day we've had for weeks. Roll on summer.

This blog is dedicated to all the staff of the Rainbow Unit at Hampshire Hospitals NHS Trust. Thank you for your care, support and good humour.