Special times

I haven't published a blog for more than two months. Not because nothing has happened - lots of nice things have happened - but because I've been too busy doing them to want to stop and write about them!

I finished my last blog expressing a determination to seize each day and live it to the full. I can't say, hand-on-heart, that I have done that every day, but I have had lots of good days and done lots of good things.

My aim over the summer was to meet as many friends as possible - and I have definitely done that! I've sat in gardens and living rooms and cafes. I've drunk teas and coffees and prosecco and lots of wine. I've eaten ice creams and cakes. I've talked and walked and talked some more. (And if you are wondering why we haven't met yet, please give me time!)

I've also swum in the (UK) sea three times, once without a wet suit (!), seen Dartford warblers, a badger, a dipper and a water vole. I've had a surprise cream tea, been on a spa day, climbed one of the three peaks, gone to the Edinburgh fringe, danced the night away and flown in a hot air balloon. It's been a delight.

(No, I am NOT going to do a parachute jump. No way.)

I am writing (some of) these words sitting in the garden of a B&B in the Yorkshire dales, looking across at a flock of black-faced Swaledale sheep which are grazing on the hillside over the fence. Further up are the moors where I used to wander as a child when we came here for holidays. Coming back here and re-living so many memories has been especially precious.

The view from the cottage where we used to stay, with Ingleborough in the distance.

But... 'How are you?', I hear you cry. That's what everyone wants to know and I should swiftly add that it's perfectly OK to ask. In fact I'd much rather you did ask than leave it hanging, the unspoken elephant in the room (if that's not mixing my metaphors too much).

Round about the time I wrote my last blog in July I started to experience a bit more pain. All through last year, before I was diagnosed, pain was the only symptom I had but after a few cycles of chemotherapy it receded. I still took paracetamol but that was all I needed to keep on top of it. Unfortunately now it's back. Pretty much all the time now unless I'm taking pain relief, much as it was this time last year. The good news is that they have given me liquid morphine which is fast-acting and seems to hit the spot. As I've said to a few friends, I feel a bit like a Victorian lady retiring to my room to knock back a tot of laudanum... 

And we've agreed with the oncologist to start some 'second line' treatment. This won't be the FOFIRINOX chemo I had last winter and spring, but is likely to be another type of chemotherapy which is less effective, but also less debilitating. 

Before I start with that, there is a small chance I might be suitable for a clinical trial being run from the Royal Marsden hospital in London. To see if I'm suitable for the trial they need to take a biopsy from my liver to check the genetic markers on the tumour. I'm expecting that to happen in the next couple of weeks. If it turns out that I am suitable, I'll tell you more about that in a future blog, but I think the chances are fairly slim so I'm not getting my hopes up too much at this stage.

To finish up, I just want to do a quick promo for Shepherd's Cottage, the wonderful B&B we stayed in in the Yorkshire Dales. The owner Kate made it a really special visit, and if any of you are looking for a night or two away in a beautiful wild place, but with all the comforts you could want, do look it up: Shepherds cottage B&B

This blog is dedicated to all the friends I haven't had a chance to meet up with - yet!